a Blood creepypasta

Discuss and hash out the Blood universe here.

Moderator: General Discussion Moderators

User avatar
Edmond Dantes
Axe Zombie
Posts: 36
Joined: Sun Jan 19, 2014 10:17 am

a Blood creepypasta

Post by Edmond Dantes » Fri Feb 13, 2015 10:18 am

Okay guys, you know how there's all those stories about haunted video games?

Turns out I just got a haunted copy of Blood. Doesn't sound so bad at first. After all, Blood with real evil sounds twice as awesome.

What happened was I was in the cesspool part of town, and some guy in a trailer was selling his son's games. I looked around wondering where said son was, but the father would only act like he was angry about something. So I looked in the box and it contained s***, s***, s***... and Blood. Blood stood out primarily because it was the only game in there that wasn't Hot Wheels or Baseball related. It was the One Unit Whole edition too. One odd thing though was that the disc didn't look like the one I owned. It had a real label, but the blood label was soft blue, and written in--get this--Comic Sans!

I wondered about this, and thought maybe it was a beta or a pirate copy or whatever. Still, I bought it. Can't argue with one dollar for Blood!

So I brought it home, and first looked around the disc... while running scans on it in case of viruses and the like. Scans can detect those. Too bad they can't detect ghosts.

So then I installed the game, and played it... and immediately upon starting the game, something was wrong.

I jumped right in to the first episode, expecting to hear Caleb's familiar "I live again,"... and instead I heard a Barney the Dinosaur like voice saying "Let's have lots of fun today!"

....

What.

Just what.

Everything was wrong. I climbed out of the grave to find it was actually just a box, and the mausoleum was some sort of funhouse decorated like a little girl's bedroom. Caleb wasn't holding a pitchfork anymore, he was holding a light-up toy sword. The secrets with the dynamite and boxes of flares were still there, except the "box of flares" were "tubs of confetti" and the dynamite was "birthday candles."

I got out of this horrid place and met the zombie... who was now a guy from the Gideon's asking if I would like a bible. I tried to throw dynamite at him, but this was no mere graphics hack--it changed the mechanics of the weapon entirely. Instead of flinging it, I gave it to the guy and he thanked me for it. Disturbed, I went down the stairs and found the... confetti gun. When I fired it at the other Gideons and the one Jewish guy, they started jumping up and down and singing happy birthday. Oh, and the jewish guy just gave me the key to the funer... err, the daycare.

"What the hell?" I said aloud. "This isn't Blood! This is... un-Blood!"

The guys on screen seemed to hear me. "Oh of course!" said the Barney the Dinosaur voiced asshole I refuse to call Caleb. "Blood is so dirty, so naughty."

"But but but that's why we play it!"

"Aawww, why would you want to play such a mean-spirited game? Come on, we should all dance and sing together in harmony!"

At this point my horror had decreased enough to allow some reasoning into my mind, and I asked the question I should have asked a long time ago (other than "can I have a refund" I mean): "Who the hell are you and how are you talking to me?"

"You installed a new monitor with a built in microphone," Barney explained.

"Oh."

"But do you really wanna know who I am?"

"YES!"

"Say please!"

I sighed with disgust. "All right.... Please."

And then it did that chase cam thing you can do by hitting one of the F keys. Only now it rotated around, and showed...

"Commander Keen?"

"Oh, so you know me?"

"Dude, I used to love the Commander Keen games! But what the hell are you doing here, in Blood? And what's with the Barney voice? And why are you dressed like a Mormon?"

Commander Keen (or should I call him Billy Blaze?) smiled. "Well, its kind of a long story... but... after Keen 6, I had a meeting with Romero and Carmack, you know, all the old crew. They wanted me to star in this game called Doom. I took one look and got sick. You know, I was always a pacifist. Even in my old games I only stunned people, never killed."

"That's true," I acknowledged.

"Well, then I refused, but by doing so I had destroyed my game career."

"Wait, what about that Gameboy Color one?"

"What Gameboy Color one?"

"... Oh, sorry, got you confused with someone else. Go on." I couldn't bear to tell the guy about that wretched installment, even if he was f*** up my Blood.

"Well, after that, my life felt... empty. Until fate brought me to Utah..."

"... and you became a Mormon."

"Not quite. At first it sounded dumb, because I was a kid then. But then, I fell in with a bunch of homeless people living in an abandoned train car, watching a television from the future. On it was some as-yet-uninvented version of My Little Pony..."

And then I hung my head. "Oh Go--err, Gosh," I corrected myself out of respect for his beliefs, "A Mormon Brony. All you need is to be a writer on Blue's Clues to complete the trifecta of terror."

"Well, speak of the devil!" Commander Keen smiled knowingly.

"... you're a writer for Blue's Clues?"

"Actually, for Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs, but close enough."

I hung my head again, because you can do that twice in a row.

"But then I was in a car accident, but in death I found new life, and attached myself to the disc of this kid's copy of this hyper-violent game. And I reasoned with him, turned his life around..."

"... He became a Mormon, didn't he?"

Commander Keen nodded, then said, "And now, you will too! And I will get all these meanieheaded, violent games off your hard drive, and replace them with good, innocent, fluffy fun!"

I was in shock. He was about to take away my Amulets & Armor, my Doom, my Duke Nukem, my Lemmings... I had to do something....

So without further hesitation I opened the CD-ROM drive, took the "good" Blood out and put in the genuine bad boy!

Relief pounded through my head as I heard Caleb say "Son of a bitch must pay" as he attached three flares to Commander Keen's body, then laughed like a sadist as he went around blowing up all the religious people. For extra fun, he defaced the day-care with the flamethrower.

I smiled. "Nice to have you back, Caleb."

"Good to be back. Now, let's paint the town red."

And that was my creepypasta experience.
User avatar
VGames
Acolyte
Posts: 438
Joined: Sun Aug 17, 2014 02:27 pm
Location: Texas
Contact:

Re: a Blood creepypasta

Post by VGames » Fri Feb 13, 2015 04:10 pm

Wow. What did I just read?
User avatar
Edmond Dantes
Axe Zombie
Posts: 36
Joined: Sun Jan 19, 2014 10:17 am

Re: a Blood creepypasta

Post by Edmond Dantes » Fri Feb 13, 2015 04:14 pm

A load of garbage written by a very bored man who got sick of creepypastas.
User avatar
VGames
Acolyte
Posts: 438
Joined: Sun Aug 17, 2014 02:27 pm
Location: Texas
Contact:

Re: a Blood creepypasta

Post by VGames » Fri Feb 13, 2015 04:27 pm

LOL
U know its funny how the religious characters in the story were so against the violent video games. Because I'm a full blown born again Christian and I love me some Blood. And I'm not talking about those wishy washy questionable Christians. I'm a baptized in Jesus name, Holy Ghost filled, tongue talking Christian. Been playing violent video games forever. My pastor plays them too. I'm sure he'd get a kick out of Blood.
User avatar
Edmond Dantes
Axe Zombie
Posts: 36
Joined: Sun Jan 19, 2014 10:17 am

Re: a Blood creepypasta

Post by Edmond Dantes » Fri Feb 13, 2015 05:17 pm

I hope my thing didn't offend ya!

I was mostly just, like, most creepypastas are about a normally-innocent game like Mario being haunted and having blood and disturbing images in them, so I thought the perfect parody would be an already bloody and disturbing game being castrated. I kinda feel the execution could've been better. Not much practice with pastas.
User avatar
VGames
Acolyte
Posts: 438
Joined: Sun Aug 17, 2014 02:27 pm
Location: Texas
Contact:

Re: a Blood creepypasta

Post by VGames » Fri Feb 13, 2015 05:43 pm

No man I'm not offended at all. I see what u did there with an already gory game. I couldn't have done better myself. Nice work.
User avatar
Tchernobog
Tchernobog's Love Child
Posts: 1284
Joined: Tue May 27, 2008 07:30 am
Location: Rural Alberta, Canada
Contact:

Re: a Blood creepypasta

Post by Tchernobog » Fri Feb 13, 2015 07:42 pm

Incidentally, one of the key people behind Doom was a Mormon by the name of Sandy Petersen, who was actually brought in to replace Tom Hall, who was the mastermind behind Commander Keen.

Netted you a position on our Fan Fiction article in any case:
http://www.blood-wiki.org/index.php/Lis ... reepypasta
User avatar
VGames
Acolyte
Posts: 438
Joined: Sun Aug 17, 2014 02:27 pm
Location: Texas
Contact:

Re: a Blood creepypasta

Post by VGames » Fri Feb 13, 2015 07:54 pm

Well just to let you guys know Mormons aren't really Christians. They don't live by the word of God which is the Bible. They got their own word that was given to their founder by an angel. The true word of God actually warns us not to obey any scripture that's not in his book even if it was given to you by an angel. And this was written way before that guy got the new scripture from that angel. Cool stuff.
User avatar
Tchernobog
Tchernobog's Love Child
Posts: 1284
Joined: Tue May 27, 2008 07:30 am
Location: Rural Alberta, Canada
Contact:

Re: a Blood creepypasta

Post by Tchernobog » Fri Feb 13, 2015 08:11 pm

Yes, I do know the difference VGames. Being a Godless Commie myself, it is all rather academic as far as I personally am concerned though.

My brother actually works for a Mormon and as such services the fire suppression systems at a lot of Mormon churches. There are certain parts of the temple where only those of the faith can enter, so my brother's employer gets all of the inspection contracts.
User avatar
VGames
Acolyte
Posts: 438
Joined: Sun Aug 17, 2014 02:27 pm
Location: Texas
Contact:

Re: a Blood creepypasta

Post by VGames » Fri Feb 13, 2015 08:30 pm

You're a Commie??
User avatar
N0t_mINe
Acolyte
Posts: 581
Joined: Wed Nov 30, 2011 05:35 am
Location: LURKERS DON'T DRAMA.

Re: a Blood creepypasta

Post by N0t_mINe » Sat Feb 14, 2015 04:08 am

I still like eggs.


Do you like eggs?
User avatar
Tchernobog
Tchernobog's Love Child
Posts: 1284
Joined: Tue May 27, 2008 07:30 am
Location: Rural Alberta, Canada
Contact:

Re: a Blood creepypasta

Post by Tchernobog » Sun Feb 15, 2015 04:13 am

VGames wrote:You're a Commie??
Sure, as much as it matters to anything on this forum.
N0t_mINe wrote:I still like eggs. Do you like eggs?
I have my own laying hens, as it happens. :)
User avatar
N0t_mINe
Acolyte
Posts: 581
Joined: Wed Nov 30, 2011 05:35 am
Location: LURKERS DON'T DRAMA.

Re: a Blood creepypasta

Post by N0t_mINe » Sun Feb 15, 2015 06:47 am

Are we drifting from the realm of known gods to that of unknown gods? Does he who wears the mask and cloak guide our dreams? Is this same man the one who came down from the system of seven stars to the world of men to mock?

I like chickens too.
User avatar
Tchernobog
Tchernobog's Love Child
Posts: 1284
Joined: Tue May 27, 2008 07:30 am
Location: Rural Alberta, Canada
Contact:

Re: a Blood creepypasta

Post by Tchernobog » Sun Feb 15, 2015 08:36 am

A little chicken relief for you, ladies and gentleman:
Image
User avatar
Edmond Dantes
Axe Zombie
Posts: 36
Joined: Sun Jan 19, 2014 10:17 am

Re: a Blood creepypasta

Post by Edmond Dantes » Sun Feb 15, 2015 12:44 pm

No thanks, I'm too chicken.
Post Reply