...ugh. I want to throw in the towel so bad. I've said everything I've needed to say, tried to apologize to you, all this stuff, and yet you persist.
Do I really need to get this personal with you Kurt? Finally?
kurt wrote:Yes Clari, that screenshot is a mirror image of my own that is located on the B2R site. It was created as a test to determine whether it would be imitated, and you failed. I also know for a fact that you visited my website plenty of times that month, but you can lie and deny it if you prefer.
Sure, I did, but Fiend didn't.
Are you calling my own teammates liars and deniers? Why would they want anything to do with your project? Seriously dude, now you're starting to get delusional. I'm sure they would love to hop on here and give you a piece of their mind, but I'm not going to start that again. They just ignore it. I tried to for the longest time, but enough is enough. It's time you hear the truth. AS A DEVELOPER TO ANOTHER DEVELOPER.
The reason I said those things to you dude was because you were hella beat down. Nobody was interested in helping you who could, you weren't finding the responses you were looking for. All this work for nothing, as you used to threat to quit your project. So I gave them to you, and you spit them back out at me. You treat any admirer like s***, or anyone who wants to sit you up higher than you ever have. I'm surprised BON follows you so well, you've beat his ideas, confidence, and probably any willingness to work with you on your project. It was a serious mistake to try and encourage, and help you. Your character totally destroyed our friendship. It destroyed any work ethic I wanted to establish with you. I lept, bounds and bounds, to help you out Kurt, and this is how you treat me? If not me, my team
, who knows almost nothing of you and your little game you've been working oh-so-hard for 2 years? I still have that chunk of convo when you got EXTREMELY upset for me gaining team members really quick. I still have that. Want me to bring that up?
Compared to what my team has been through, you haven't been through anything. I am very proud of what we've been able to accomplish, I love and relish them. When we get this thing released it will be one of the happiest moments of my life.
You were the first with that little destructive photoshop image. YOU DID THAT.
Is it sinking it yet? You were the sole effing reason this started. Even BON praised my project in the beginning, he really sided with it. All into it, like a fan should be to any sort of project. Everyone did. POSTMORTEM DID. Even you, until you yourself said some inappropriate things that really hurt my feelings. As a developer that is seriously disappointing. It's all there. Go look. You were the reason a riot erupted. You couldn't sit with the fact that my mod was similar to yours. It would've been the same no matter what game logic I used. It was going to happen sooner or later. I'm actually glad it was me you did this to. I'm a fighter, I stuck with it, and I will finish TDGMods' Hypertension.
Now I can finally say that I'm not the reason you are angry Kurt. You can't keep blaming me. You were acting like this before I started work on my videogame, don't get mad at me. You would always tell people how fed up and tired you were to gain pity points, I can go back in the past and get this but it's seriously, really redundant right now. I'm tired of looking back at skeletons. I'll keep them around as reminders, sure, but I won't abandon what made me who I am. You shouldn't either. What happened to you Kurt? Looking back at your blogs you used to be full of energy, so open to other people, and your hardships with developing for an engine nobody supports got you bitter and upset. When you started demanding attention is when it got really bad. When people starting giving my team's project support, you erupted in madness. It's all there.
You are really trying to compare a 16 year old engine with a Lithtech variant? Really??
How would those two be similar in the slightest? Do you understand how ridiculous your claims sound to people who are technologically inclined? Technologically I could not pull off what you can, and neither could you with our engine. They are on two different realms. You need to realize that. I am not using Lithtech. You are not using id Tech 1.
Don't blame Joe. Don't blame me. Don't blame Z, or Dusty, or any of us.
You are the one to blame. You are the one who put the feud drama on the community. You were the one who first criticized, rather rude at that, about my project, being personal rather than professional. You started this mess.
All I did was offer you a few words of encouragement and you raged it all up. You are upset because Joe has been telling you what we've all been thinking. I refuse to take blame about your drama. It was not my fault. None of this was my fault. You started this, I attempted to end it, I got very upset, you got very upset, almost a freaking year later, here we are, still at it. Why is that Kurt? You think I enjoy this? Do you?
Don't blame me. It would've happened sooner or later.
You are not the master of the universe, your mod wasn't destined to be the one and only. You need to take a hard, long look at yourself.
It took Ella a lot of guts to say what she did, and I'm proud of her doing that. She cares about both of us, perhaps not in a personal matter, but do you get my point?
And I hope when you do, you can finally see. I'm done. I'm a developer, not a soap opera performer.
I program videogames. Remember when you used to do that? When it was just you and the game? Before you began blaming me for the community downturn? What about when people defected from this site to Postmortem? That surely wasn't me.
Try to take some time off. I did. I took years off. I can admit when I'm wrong. I admitted everything. But this is the present, a horizon to look to the future.
Listen to Ella's words. Either live with it or get past it and say nothing more.